Ch 4 Love Is The Only Thing We Have Left [GamTav]

He’s looking at you now. You know he is getting impatient from the way his eyebrows went from a curious arch to a deep, annoyed frown. He wants you to spit it out, you know it, but you also really don’t want to do this anymore. You know you have to, though; the pain the wound is causing you keeps getting worse, and you are afraid that something will happen to you. You have no idea exactly what could happen, since you don’t know what to expect. You just know that you need to do something quick, anything, and try to get help. And you decided Karkat was your best bet.

He sighs and squats down, refusing to sit on the concrete floor. He is staring right at you, watching you pace and open your mouth as you attempt to speak before you decide to close it, afraid of saying it. You don’t know how he will react to your confession. You don’t know if he will freak out like you fear he will, or if he will wait for you to explain it all, and then make a plan to get you better. A plan to make you useful for a change, even if the only thing actually useful about you is your blood, probably. You eye the gun you had forced him to bring along with regret; you had thought that maybe it would help him feel safer if he did lose his shit, but now you realize it might also present a far too soon threat towards you.

You lift your eyes to meet his again, and he opened his mouth to speak.

“It’s not like I’m not enjoying our little quality time here in this foul smelling piss-stained shit-hole you so much like to spend time in, but could you fucking spit it out already? You’re making me fucking nervous, and it’s outright creepy that you dragged my ass all the way out here and away from the rest of the human population just for a little chat.” He admits, and you nod with pursed lips. “Did you fuck something up?” You frown at his guess and shake your head. You take a deep breath and hesitate before finally speaking, deciding you would never be actually ready, and might as well just get it out of the way.

“Listen bro…” You say, your hands going up in front of you, as if you wished to calm him down before you had even told him anything. “I don’t want you to go about and get your freak out on, alright, just let me do my talking and wait.” You decide on saying, and he gives you this quizzical look that you guess meant that he was surprised to hear you talking in such a serious manner for a change. He nods anyways though, and you lick your lips over as you think of the best way to break it down to him fast and clear. You wish you had planned this out a little better.

You decide to take off your shirt on a whim, even if you are not sure if this is the best way to go about it. You see him sneer at your stripping for a second, until he noticed the bandage that wrapped your shoulder and covered most of your trapezius, and his eyes widened a bit after a moment. You look at yourself and notice there is some brownish blood that filtrated from the wound, staining the bandage enough for it to be really noticeable.

“... What the fuck happened to you?” He asks then, standing up from his squatting position before taking a few steps towards you.

“Hold on motherfucker, don’t come closer.” You warn him, and he snorts.

“Okay?”

“Uh, alright bro, there’s no fucking way I can go about this that probably won’t make you all scared and shit…” You say slowly, and you hesitate before speaking again, getting to the point. “I all up and got myself bitten.”

He looks honestly confused as he raises his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I motherfucking got bitten, bro!” You say again, but this time you raise your voice a little, making a soft echo surround you both as your voice bounced off the tunnel’s walls. He was quiet for a moment. You noticed your breathing was getting harsher.

“Like by a fucking dog or something? oh please, don’t tell me you have rabies or some shit, there’s no fucking way we can get you medicine for that.” He looks worried, and you shake your head.

“Motherfucker, I got bitten by one of those damned things.” You look away to avoid seeing his reaction, your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. “By an infected mother fucker outside of the Safe Zone.” you say, and promptly shut your mouth to keep quiet, your nostrils flaring as you try to get enough air into your lungs.

He is quiet too, and you don’t dare lift your gaze. You think you hear him mutter some curses after a full minute, but you can’t be sure. You finally lift your eyes when you hear the metallic sound of the gun being loaded.

“Gamzee…” His voice trembles as he says your name, and you think you have never before seen such horror on his face. You feel horrible. The gun is shaking in his hands and pointing straight at your face, and you can’t look at anywhere else that isn’t the trigger. You feel your throat going dry and your eyes start to sting.

“Don’t shoot me.” You tell him with a shaky voice, and decide to lift your eyes to meet his again. “Just wait, don’t fucking do it.”

“Gamzee, you know-” He cuts himself short as he swallows thickly. You manage to push your fear aside enough for you to come up with an explanation.

“Karkat, it was a couple of days ago.” You say. He doesn’t say anything. “I’m still human.” You see his face become blank, as if he simply didn’t know what to feel, or think. “I didn’t turn into one of those sick motherfuckers. I have no fucking idea why, but I just fucking didn’t.”

“That’s impossible…” He finally says in a whisper, shaking his head. “It’s fucking impossible.”

“Karkat, how long have I fucking been here with you? Long enough to turn into one of those bitches, right?” He looks you over for a moment before his eyes fix on your shoulder again, and he starts to lower his gun slowly. He looks incredulous.

“Are you sure it actually…”

“No fucking doubt.” He sighs heavily and shakes his head before unloading the gun.

“Okay.”

“I don’t got no idea what to do.” He glares at you.

“Gamzee, if this is one of your fucking twisted, sick jokes, I swear I’m gonna shove this fucking gun so far up your ass you’ll be spitting bullets for a week!” He snaps at you then, the echo of his angry voice repeating itself for a few seconds.

“I ain’t joking, best friend.” He looks you over for a while, not wanting to believe you.

“...Let me see it.” He breathes out after a moment, approaching you with quick steps after leaving the gun on the ground. He lifts a hand to your shoulder to start undoing the bandages, eager to see if you were telling the truth. You let him do the job as you lifted your arm to help him, and you hissed when you couldn’t take it anymore as the cloth stuck to your infected flesh. He cringes too, and gives a hiss of his own, as if he felt your pain. “Holy shit.” He says quietly, and leans a bit closer to take a good look at the wound, standing on his toes. He’s searching for the human teeth marks, you assume. You guess he found them from the way he took a few steps back, the dirty, bloodied up bandage in his hand, his face a clear mask of both fear and confusion. “This can’t be.” He repeats again. “Just… holy shit.” He breathes in deeply and begins to pace anxiously. “This is fucking serious. You can’t tell anyone else Gamzee, they’re going to fucking off you without even letting you say goodbye to the fucking lame loser you call a boyfriend. Fucking hell.” His pacing comes to a stop and he approaches you again, and he hesitates before taking the dirty bandage to your skin again. “We’ll get this cleaned up… it looks like shit.” He wraps the cloth over your shoulder, passing under your armpit and over the damaged muscle above, close to your neck, and tied it as best as he could for the time being.

“Hurts like a bitch.” You say with a humorless laugh, feeling the wound pump like a heart, each beat a more powerful sensation of pain.

“Obviously. I’ve seen enough people turning to know the pain is fucking unbearable. It’s better to kill them before they start turning, that way you save them the suffering.” He tells you with his stare fixed on your covered shoulder for a moment, as if he was remembering. He touches your neck with his fingers, quickly deciding to press his hand against your skin before laying it flat on your forehead. “You’re burning.” He sighs and backs away, lifting his hands to his own hips. “How the fuck did you even manage to get yourself bitten? Were you seriously stupid enough to get out of here?!” you shrug. “Did your stupid boyfriend go with you? Should I fucking slap him across his ugly face for being such an equally brainless asswipe?”

“No, no, bro, he doesn’t know about this shit.” You say a bit hurriedly, suddenly scared of the thought of him finding out.

“... He doesn't?” Karkat asks with a deep frown, disbelief on his face. “You went out of the Safe Zone by yourself? Did your paternal figure drop you head first on the floor when you were a snot-faced stinking child or something? Wait, forget that. Gamzee, you do know you’re gonna have to tell him, right?"

“I don’t wanna…”

“If he finds out any other way, he’s gonna be fucking pissed. You have to tell him, this is fucking serious, you don’t know what could even happen to you, Gamzee, no one has seen this sort of shit before.”

“I don’t wanna go and get the motherfucker worried.”

“Fuck that. If you don’t tell the guy, I’m gonna tell him, and it’s gonna be worse for you. He has a fucking right to know what’s going on.” You keep quiet for a moment, your eyes fixed on the ground. You know he is right.

“Alright…” You mutter, but you are lying. “I’ll tell him.”

“Good.” He breathes deeply and closes his eyes for a moment, his hands going up to his face to rub it. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

You laugh sadly at that as you put your shirt back on, wishing things had been different. Wishing you had come back unharmed with your precious bag for Tavros. You suddenly feel your head get light and begin to spin, so you stagger to the nearest wall for balance. You press both of your hands against the concrete, refusing to let your knees bend and drop you to the ground.

“Gamzee?” Karkat says cautiously, but you hear his voice far, far away. You press your forehead against the hard surface and groan, feeling a bolt of sharp pain sprout from your wound and spread to the rest of your body like acid, and you feel like vomiting yet again, your insides twisting. You drop to the ground heavily on your knees, getting on all fours to gag as you try to dig your nails into the solid ground. “Gamzee, God!” Karkat hurries towards you and puts a hand on your back, and you know he can feel you shaking, feel you jerking forwards from your choking. But nothing comes out of your mouth yet again. You try to remember the last time you ate. You fail to remember. You grunt again and try to get up, letting Karkat help you with the nearly impossible task. “Come on, we have to go.” He says with worry, staggering a little when you lost your balance and he had to hold you up. “We’ll figure out what to do later.” You nod slowly, feeling your body get unbearably cold.





You opened your eyes slowly, feeling your eyelids like sandpaper against your eyeballs. You try to focus your eyes and see where you were, and you found Tavros face as he leaned over you, standing next to the mattress.

You look around with a frown and feel your head spinning, and you feel his hand press against your forehead to both keep you in place and check your temperature. You hear him exhale heavily.

“It’s not going down.” He murmurs mostly to himself, shaking his head before sitting beside you on the bed. “How are you, feeling?” He says softly, and you grunt before replying.

“Fucking tits.” You joke and try to laugh, only managing to get the nausea to come back. He doesn’t say anything else after that, and just looks at you as if you had done something wrong. You suddenly remember everything that has happened in the last few days, and your eyes widen in fear.

“Where’s Karkat?” You croak, and you see him look away before you can see his expression. “Tav?”

“He went out, about half an hour ago.” He replies when he meets your gaze again, and you desperately try to read his face and see if he already knew; But you can’t read him for the life of you. He stays quiet for a moment more before finally speaking again, his eyes softening as he caresses your face with the back of his hand. “He brought you in unconscious…” He says “Said something about the flu.” You don’t tear your eyes off of him as he speaks, a deep frown forming on your face. “I think he went to see if he could find medicine, or, something...” He trails off before reaching over you, and he grabbed a white cloth that had been sitting there with his right hand. He brings it to your face to wipe off the sweat from your forehead, going down the bridge of your nose, stopping to dry off the moisture on your upper lip. He sighs deeply and sets the cloth aside, looking you over with a defeated expression. “You’re soaking wet.” He’s right. You suddenly notice the way your shirt and pants stick to your body, and your hair to your scalp. It could be worse, though, or so you think.

“I’m fine, bro.” You assure him, and attempt to sit up with your elbows. He pushes you back down before you can get far, and you let out a loud grunt and a hiss when you felt his hand push against your shoulder.

“S-sorry.” He says quickly, yanking his hands away from you at once. “Where are you, hurting?” He asked then, sounding a bit confused. You shake you head with your eyes fixed on his. You begin to think he probably doesn’t know your dirty little secret yet.

“Just. It’s my head, I’m fine.” You lie. He doesn’t look all that skeptical, though. You think of getting up but you can’t move too much. You feel so tired.

He gets off the bed and looks around the room, and you see him crouch down near the bed to pick up a shirt that belongs to you. He looks it over to check for spiders before standing by your side again, and leaves it on the mattress before grabbing the end of your shirt with his hands.

“Wait, hold on!” You grab his hands and push them away, your eyes going wide.

“I’m just, helping you.” He says with a frown. “You have to take this off. Keeping it on will just, make you even sicker.” He tries again, getting a hold of your shirt to pull it up, and you lift your hands again to catch his. You miss, and he is the one to get a hold on your wrists to push them away before trying again. You give in to your fear for not being able to get away, and you don’t really think your next action through.

“Don’t touch me!” You press your palms against his chest and push him away with all your remaining strength, making him stumble back and fall on his bottom. You see him sit up quickly with surprise written all over his face.

“Fuck!” You almost yell when the sharp pain strikes you again, and you shut your eyes close with a hiss as you lift a hand to your wound in a protective manner.

“...Gamzee.” You open your eyes again to see Tavros staring at you from the floor, a pained expression replacing the surprise and confusion. You feel the base of your stomach tighten. You have never done anything like that before. Not to Tavros, at least. You’re not sure what to say.

“I’m sorry…” You murmur just as Karkat comes into the room, and he eyes Tavros before shooting his eyes towards you.

“Is… everything okay?” He clears his throat and stares at Tavros, and the other looks up to meet his eyes. He begins to nod slowly.

“Yes.” Tavros mutters and begins to get off the floor, not daring to look at you in the eyes anymore. “I was just, leaving.”

“Tav.” But he doesn’t look at you as he walks out of the room quickly, his footsteps going down the hall and into the living room before you hear the front door shut loudly.

“What happened?” Karkat asks right away, his eyes looking at you accusingly. “Did you tell him?” He closes the door and walks towards the bed, taking a seat right next to you. He presses a hand against your forehead too, checking your fever, but he doesn’t say anything. You shake your head slowly.

“No.” Is the only thing you say, and he seems to get tired of your silence after a while.

“Okay. I brought you some antibiotics. They might help.” He shows you the box in his hand and places it on your chest. “I… also spoke to Meenah.”